In the latest episode of “Things That Break the Internet But Shouldn’t,” 15,000 physicians—a whopping 1.5% of all U.S. doctors—signed a petition urging the Senate to reject Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as Health and Human Services Secretary. Cue the social media frenzy, where math took a backseat to sensationalism faster than a Hollywood awards show can go political. The headlines are screaming, “Doctors Revolt!” but the other 98.5% of the nation’s 989,320 physicians seem to be sitting this one out. Maybe they’re too busy saving lives to throw down in the great RFK Jr. debate.

Social media warriors, armed with calculators from the Dollar Store, are hailing this petition as “proof” of overwhelming opposition. But let’s do some quick math here—something these keyboard crusaders seem allergic to. If 15,000 doctors are adamantly against RFK Jr., that leaves a silent majority of 974,320 physicians who either don’t care, didn’t hear about it, or are currently chuckling over their morning coffee while contemplating why democracy now resembles a reality TV show.

Paging Dr. Common Sense

Here’s the kicker: this petition might actually be the most accidental endorsement of RFK Jr. since the invention of his Twitter account. The logic is flawless—if 1.5% of doctors think he’s unfit, surely the other 98.5% must be okay with him stepping up to the plate. That’s the kind of overwhelming support most politicians only dream of. Imagine running a campaign where you can boast, “98.5% of the experts in the field are not opposed to me.” Those odds are better than the survival rate of kale chips at a Super Bowl party.

When Loud Voices Drown Out Silent Majority

But let’s give the 15,000 doctors their due credit. It takes guts to write an email, make a social media post and claim to represent the collective will of nearly a million colleagues. They’ve practically invented a new branch of science: statistical hijacking. Never mind that democracy has always been about majority rule; apparently, it’s now about whichever group shouts the loudest and trends on X. first.

Meanwhile, the rest of the medical community—the quiet 98.5%—are busy in hospitals, clinics, and research labs. You know, doing doctor things like saving lives, performing groundbreaking surgeries, and occasionally lamenting their student loan debt. They probably glanced at the news, rolled their eyes, and went back to their patients. Somewhere in the background, a voice whispers, “Don’t these people have better things to do?”

The RFK Jr. Show Goes On

Here’s the real twist: if you strip away the drama, this petition doesn’t say much about RFK Jr.’s qualifications. Instead, it highlights just how ridiculous public discourse has become. We’ve reached a point where 1.5% of a group gets to act like they’re speaking for everyone, while the rest of the group’s silence is treated as complicity.

Democracy: Now Featuring Hashtags and Bad Math

If there’s one thing this saga teaches us, it’s that democracy, like math, is suffering an identity crisis. Gone are the days of majority rule; now we bow to the almighty hashtag and whatever trending opinion can rack up the most outrage clicks. If RFK Jr. really wants the job, maybe all he needs to do is remind people that 98.5% of America’s doctors didn’t sign a petition against him.

So, here’s a toast to the 15,000 doctors who unwittingly made the case for RFK Jr. and the 98.5% who are too busy to care. Somewhere, in the great cosmic comedy of American politics, democracy is laughing—and maybe RFK Jr. is, too.