As 2024 wraps up, America finds itself brimming with unanswered questions, scandals swept under the rug, and outrage buried beneath a media cycle that operates at the speed of light. So, let’s dive into the top questions every red-blooded American deserves answers to before we ring in 2025. Spoiler alert: there’s no shortage of lunacy here.

1. Competence vs. Incompetence: The Presidential Dilemma

We’ve reached a bizarre milestone where the White House is occupied by someone declared too incompetent to stand trial but competent enough to wield the power of the pen. Bills are signed, pardons are handed out, and yet nobody raises an eyebrow. Who’s really pulling the strings here? Obama? Soros? The unelected bureaucrats running the show should grab a “get out of jail free” card—they’re going to need it.

2. Trump Investigations vs. Biden’s “Protected Species” Status

The DOJ works overtime pursuing Trump and Matt Gaetz, yet Biden’s name is mysteriously absent from any indictment. From Tara Reade to Lucy Flores, we’ve got a lineup that rivals an NFL draft, yet justice remains MIA. If this were an episode of Law & Order, the audience would be throwing their popcorn at the screen.

3. Ukraine: The Bottomless ATM

Another $2 billion for Ukraine this month? Sure, why not—because apparently, fiscal accountability is for peasants. Congress, can we at least get receipts? Asking for the veterans and to help repair American infrastructure.

4. Hunter Biden’s Greatest Hits

Forget art exhibits—how about we exhibit some justice? Hunter’s alleged crimes make a mafia boss blush. Pedophilia, drugs, money laundering, prostitution, tax evasion. . . If this guy gets a presidential pardon, conflict of interest might as well be rewritten in the dictionary with his mugshot next to it.

5. Printing Money Like Monopoly Bucks

The Federal Reserve’s printing presses must be running 24/7. This invisible tax is robbing Americans blind, yet no one seems to notice. Where’s the outrage? Oh right—it’s buried under TikTok trends and avocado toast recipes.

6. Biden Family Bank Accounts

Explain to me, like I’m a 5th grader, how nearly 20 Biden family members end up with foreign cash deposits without being government employees. It’s the world’s most lucrative game of Follow the Money, yet nobody seems to be playing.

7. Pharmaceutical Immunity, Again?

The Biden administration has extended Big Pharma’s immunity for another four years. No emergency exists, but they promise one is coming. What’s the plan? Another round of “trust us, we’re the experts”?

8. Liz Cheney and Fauci’s Greatest Escapes

Liz Cheney destroyed evidence. Fauci flip-flopped more than a fish on dry land. And General Milley? Well, let’s just say “treason” might not be a strong enough word. Yet here we are, with none of them facing accountability. Are we in a Marvel movie where villains always win?

9. Epstein and Diddy: The Lists We’ll Never See

The Epstein and Diddy guest lists remain as hidden as Hillary’s emails. Who’s protecting whom? This smells like a cover-up, but hey, nothing to see here, folks.

10. Assassination Attempts and BlackRock Connections

Two attempts on Trump’s life, and both attackers just happen to have ties to BlackRock? Surely that’s a coincidence, right? Where’s the investigative journalism? Oh, I forgot—they’re busy fact-checking satire.

11. Congressional Insider Trading: The Pelosi Shuffle

Nancy Pelosi plays the stock market like a virtuoso on a Stradivarius, and somehow, it’s all legal. Forget Robinhood; this is straight-up Hoodwink.

12. Tim Walz Allegations: Crickets in the Media

Rumors swirl about Walz and an alleged encounter with a minor. True or not, where’s the investigation? If this were a Republican, CNN would have wall-to-wall coverage faster than you can say “breaking news.”

13. Kamala’s Campaign Cash Mystery

Kamala Harris allegedly raised $1.5 billion with funds from China and beyond. Where did it go? Audits, anyone? Or do we just shrug and call it California Dreamin’?

14. Fani Willis and Fulton County’s Theater of Corruption

Willis has more baggage than an airport carousel, yet she’s re-elected. When lawbreakers get elected to enforce the law, how does that not tear the very fabric of justice?

15. Media Propaganda and Election Interference

From falsifying Trump’s debate responses to editing interviews with Kamala Harris, the media has outdone itself. This isn’t journalism—it’s propaganda, and it’s as subtle as a jackhammer.

16. The Criminal Carousel at the Border

How can Americans accept a government that allows hundreds of thousands of known criminals to pour into the country illegally, using taxpayer funds to accommodate them? We’re housing, feeding, and transporting people who, in some cases, come with criminal records. It’s like building a Trojan Horse and rolling it right through Main Street. Where’s the accountability for the harm caused to our communities, and why are we footing the bill for our own destruction?

Conclusion: Where’s the Outrage?

Americans, we deserve answers. Not tomorrow, not next year—today. These aren’t trivial matters. They’re symptoms of a system that has traded accountability for convenience and truth for narrative. So, as we head into 2025, let’s demand clarity, justice, and a return to common sense. After all, if we don’t, who will?

And remember: if the media doesn’t cover these stories, The Elephant will.

Disclaimer:

This is the parody version—because let’s be honest, the non-parody version would have been long enough to rival War and Peace. Hopefully, though, the points are sharp enough to hit the target without breaking your scroll wheel.

And no, this isn’t an exhaustive list. If we included every unresolved scandal and media distraction from the past few years, this article would double as a doorstop. But seriously, Americans deserve closure—not the kind where scandals quietly disappear into the shadows like a politician’s deleted emails. It's time to dust off the rug, because we've had enough swept under it to create a mountain of unanswered questions.

Now, enjoy the satire while we all wait (probably forever) for some real answers.