Warning: The attached quote contains levels of absurdity so high, it may cause uncontrollable face palming, temporary loss of brain cells, and the sudden urge to question humanity. Proceed with caution.
The 2024 Golden Face Palm Award Winner
The wait is over, folks! After a grueling year of jaw-dropping quotes and mind-numbing absurdities, we are thrilled to crown the winner of the 2024 Golden Face Palm Award! With a field this competitive—featuring heavyweights like Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Tim Walz, Mark Cuban, and Robert De Niro—the decision was anything but easy. The vetting process included multiple rounds of “Did they actually say this?” fact-checking, group facepalming sessions, and several consultations with therapists to recover from secondhand embarrassment.
But one statement stood head and shoulders above the rest—a rare gem of reckless absurdity that could only come from someone uniquely qualified to redefine the boundaries of logic. Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the 2024 Golden Face Palm Award is none other than Dr. Eric Rubin, the king of Russian roulette medical advice!
The Award Winning Statement:
Why This Statement Deserves Recognition
Dr. Rubin’s now-infamous declaration wasn’t just a misstep—it was a full-blown high dive into the abyss of illogical science. Let’s break it down:
Leap-Before-You-Look Science: In one sentence, Dr. Rubin distilled the very essence of “trial by fire”—or in this case, “trial by injection.” His bold suggestion that children should double as test subjects was less of a medical statement and more of a live-action reenactment of The Hunger Games.
Guinea Pigs in Backpacks: Rubin’s approach wasn’t just reckless—it was practically a recruitment pitch for turning children into walking clinical trials. Parents around the world collectively clutched their kids when he casually proposed experimenting first and asking questions later.
Big Pharma’s Favorite Scientist: One can’t help but wonder just how much Big Pharma stock Dr. Rubin has in his portfolio. If he’s not the proud owner of a Pfizer yacht by now, someone clearly owes him a thank-you card.
The Josef Mengele School of Thought: Rubin’s statement has earned him an honorary degree from the Josef Mengele School of Medicine, where ethics are optional, and “just try it” is the motto. It’s a chilling reminder of what happens when scientific curiosity takes a sharp left turn into moral bankruptcy.
A Reckless Legacy
Dr. Peter McCullough perfectly captured the gravity of Rubin’s statement, calling it “the most reckless, and the most reprehensible scientific statement in the history of medical bioethics. This WILL cause harm.” And harm it has caused, as Rubin’s words remain etched in the annals of scientific infamy.
This isn’t just a face palm—it’s a full-body cringe. Rubin’s willingness to gamble with children’s safety has earned him the top spot in our Hall of Fame of Absurdity, where his words will remain as a cautionary tale for future generations.
Closing Note
Congratulations, Dr. Rubin, for setting the gold standard in facepalms! Your statement wasn’t just absurd—it was transcendentally reckless. Stay tuned for next year’s nominees, because in the world of Golden Face Palms, absurdity never takes a holiday. Got your own contender for 2025? Send it our way, because the hits just keep coming!
Disclaimer: Proceed with a Sense of Humor
The Golden Face Palm Award is a satirical commentary created for entertainment, reflection, and a healthy dose of laughter in a world that sometimes feels like a never-ending sitcom. The content herein is purely for fun and is not meant to be taken as literal truth or professional advice.
This is parody, plain and simple. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or confused, is purely coincidental—or intentionally hilarious. The goal here isn’t to offend but to poke fun at the absurdity that surrounds us all. If you’re tempted to take this too seriously, we kindly suggest you grab a cup of coffee and remember: humor is the antidote to outrage.
Sincerely,
The Golden Face Palm Award Team (Dedicated to laughs, not lectures)
Comments