Happy Thanksgiving Wishes From Joy Reid
NEW YORK, NY—In a bold move to preserve her own peace of mind and reinforce the spirit of unity MSNBC host Joy Reid announced she will once again be skipping Thanksgiving dinner with any relatives who harbor even the faintest whiff of conservative thought. Reid, a self-proclaimed advocate of tolerance, declared her Thanksgiving plans via a fiery monologue that many are already dubbing her "Turkey Tirade."
"Thanksgiving isn't a time for togetherness," Reid proclaimed to her 12 remaining viewers. "It’s a time for justice! Why should I sit down for dinner with Aunt Marge and her MAGA casserole when I can spend the evening binge-watching my own show instead? That’s the America I’m fighting for!”
Reid’s holiday plans reportedly include a carefully curated vegan feast—because nothing screams holiday spirit like tofu turkey and tears of rage—followed by writing angry tweets about pilgrims and Native American oppression while sipping kombucha. Sources close to Reid confirm she’ll also spend time carving insults into pumpkin pie before serving it to herself.
Political analysts initially thought Reid’s holiday remarks might stay on the path of unity—at least by her standards. She started by acknowledging Thanksgiving traditions, describing the cherished moments of sharing food, football, and family. But, true to form, she quickly pivoted to the darker truths she believes lurk under every turkey leg.
“But let’s unpack this so-called ‘holiday,’” Reid declared, her tone shifting as dramatically as an overcooked pie crust. “It’s not just mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie. It’s a celebration of genocide! A fairy tale about indigenous people embracing their colonizers with corn and camaraderie, erasing the atrocities that followed. This is the truth Republicans want banned from your textbooks because, let’s face it, they’d rather you chew on a drumstick than the reality that America is a country founded on violence.”
Reid’s comments left many viewers stunned, unsure whether to cancel their Thanksgiving dinners or their MSNBC subscriptions first. Twitter users quickly responded with hashtags like #ThanksgivingGenocide and #PassTheGuiltGravy, while one viewer remarked, “She’s officially reached the point where she could make cranberry sauce feel oppressive.”
The twelve people still tuning in to Joyless Reid’s tirades must be some of the most bitter souls in existence. To hang on every word of someone whose message is fueled by resentment and division suggests a level of dedication to negativity that even the Grinch would envy. Thanksgiving might be about gratitude for most Americans, but for this audience, it seems to be about feeding on outrage instead of turkey.
Joyless Reid claims to seek "peace," yet her rhetoric cuts deeper than the carving knife at the Thanksgiving table, leaving division as her main dish. While most Americans gather to celebrate gratitude and unity, Reid seems determined to serve up heaping portions of resentment and blame. Her message, far from fostering understanding, ensures that ideological divides remain as unyielding as the turkey leftovers in the back of the fridge.
In related news, MSNBC is reportedly considering turning Reid’s tirade into a Thanksgiving special titled The War on Turkey: Why Your Drumstick Is Racist. When asked for comment, Reid responded, “Finally, a project that brings people together—against Republicans, of course.
Disclaimer:
This article is a parody and is not intended to be taken seriously—unlike Joyless Reid, who seems to take herself far too seriously. How sad it must be to go through life without the joy of Thanksgiving... or perhaps any joy at all. Lighten up, Joy(less), and Happy Thanksgiving!
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