In a bold move that legal experts are calling "the case of the century" and "really, really funny," Hunter Biden has launched a high-stakes legal battle against Fox News for using images from his infamous lost laptop, which he insists are private and unfairly damaging to his unblemished reputation.
Sources close to Biden suggest he was shocked to find out that his impeccable standing in the community could be tarnished by something as insignificant as evidence. “It’s preposterous,” Biden’s attorney stated on CNN. “There’s absolutely no newsworthy purpose to show evidence of wrongdoing when it involves someone as upstanding—or often barely standing—as Hunter.”
The lawsuit, filed in the Court of Irony, alleges that Fox News maliciously used images of Biden’s personal and professional life to suggest he had a less-than-perfect track record, including his well-documented but totally excusable interactions with foreign businesses and creative tax strategies.
“This is about protecting the little guy,” the attorney added, referring to the president's son. “Just because he’s engaged in what some might call ‘questionable activities’ and left a laptop full of evidence at a repair shop doesn’t mean anyone has the right to talk about it. It’s like saying you can’t Photoshop a halo on a saint.”
The legal claim has drawn comparisons to other notable cases of image management:
A bank robber suing for CCTV footage making him look like a bank robber.
A skunk filing a defamation suit against nature for associating it with a bad smell.
An iceberg suing documentaries for blaming it for the Titanic disaster.
“This is a clear case of defamation,” Biden’s legal team insists. “By showing images of Hunter Biden doing things Hunter Biden did, Fox News is unfairly suggesting he did those things.”
As the case unfolds, the public eagerly awaits the court's decision on whether reality can indeed be defamatory, and whether future scandals can only be covered in media if they involve someone less well-connected.
In the meantime, Hunter has been spotted in a Washington D.C. courtroom sketching class, reportedly to ensure that any future incriminating images are at least flattering.
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