Celebrating Life Erickson Day
The year is 2024, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has set sail on a new voyage: canceling Columbus Day. The daring congresswoman from New York is determined to rewrite history once more, this time with a bill that proposes replacing Columbus Day with... well, just about anyone else.
In a twist worthy of a Shakespearean comedy, AOC has put forth a list of alternative holiday honorees that is as diverse as it is entertaining. Leading the charge is Ponce de León, the man who famously spent his life searching for the Fountain of Youth. Imagine a holiday dedicated to the guy who thought Florida was a magical spa retreat. Picture it now: a day off work where everyone sips overpriced mineral water and talks about their latest anti-aging creams. You’ll have your boss saying, “Youthful appearances mandatory for tomorrow’s meeting. No wrinkles allowed!”
Not far behind in the running is Leif Erikson, the Viking explorer who beat Columbus to the punch by a good 500 years. Leif Erikson Day would be a true cultural extravaganza. We’re talking about a nationwide surge in beard oil sales, horned helmet parades, and competitive fjord swimming. Schools would close for Viking battle reenactments, and instead of fireworks, we’d have flaming longboats lighting up the night sky. And yes, you can forget turkey dinners; it’s all about the mead and mutton now.
But why stop there? AOC's imagination knows no bounds. How about Sacagawea Day? A day to honor the woman who guided Lewis and Clark across the wilderness. We could celebrate with scavenger hunts and GPS challenges, or by attempting to navigate our way through IKEA without asking for directions.
Then there’s my personal favorite, Captain Jack Sparrow Day. A day where the entire country gets to talk like pirates, drink rum (responsibly), and walk around with eyeliner and dreadlocks. Imagine the corporate world thrown into chaos as CFOs and IT managers try to have serious meetings while dressed like buccaneers.
The beauty of AOC's proposal lies in its sheer absurdity. It's as if she's playing historical roulette, spinning the wheel and seeing where it lands. Will it be Magellan Monday, with everyone getting lost on their way to work? Or perhaps Marco Polo Day, celebrated in swimming pools across the nation? The possibilities are endless, and each more ludicrous than the last.
As the debate rages on in Congress, one can only imagine the scene. Politicians in powdered wigs arguing over whether Blackbeard or Amelia Earhart deserves a national holiday. It’s a spectacle so bizarre that it makes reality TV look tame.
So, buckle up, America. If AOC gets her way, we’re in for a wild ride. One thing's for sure: history class just got a lot more interesting, and our calendars are about to become a whole lot more colorful.
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