Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare for the greatest show on earth and settle in for the latest episode of “Government Shenanigans,” where reality takes a back seat to absurdity. Our star today is DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas, who has just unveiled his latest act in the grand illusion known as border security.
In a move that would make even the most seasoned illusionist jealous, Mayorkas has decided that the real problem with immigration isn't the actual illegal immigration – oh no – it’s the term “illegal immigrant.” That’s right, folks. According to Mayorkas, if we simply stop calling it illegal, then voilà, it’s not illegal anymore! Talk about a disappearing act!
Imagine the scene: A room filled with top officials, furrowed brows, and the heavy scent of coffee and desperation. Mayorkas stands up and, with a flourish, proclaims, “Eureka! The term ‘illegal immigrant’ is the real culprit here. Ban the term, solve the problem!” The room erupts in confused applause, as everyone pretends to understand the sheer genius unfolding before them.
It’s the kind of logic that would make a kindergartener blush. Using this magical thinking, one can only wonder what other linguistic trickery awaits. “Unemployment” will now be referred to as “extended vacation,” and “tax evasion” will be rebranded as “creative accounting.” Bank robbers? Just enthusiastic depositors with a poor grasp of timing.
But let’s get back to our protagonist. Mayorkas, in his infinite wisdom, has essentially declared that immigration laws are just suggestions, like those optional surveys you ignore from your cable company. And why stop there? We should just call speeding “velocity enhancement” and shoplifting “unauthorized borrowing.” Crime rates would plummet overnight!
Changing definitions isn't just a Mayorkas thing; it’s a Democrat thing. We’ve seen this movie before. The Biden administration replaced the word “mother” with “birthing people,” which surely cleared things up for absolutely no one. The CDC switched “immunization” to “protection” in an effort to redefine what a vaccine is, because apparently clarity is overrated. And let’s not forget they’ve blurred the lines of gender so thoroughly that even a Biden-nominated Supreme Court judge couldn’t define what a woman is. It’s a linguistic wonderland where meaning goes to retire.
In the same spirit, perhaps Mayorkas will soon move to rebrand the entire Department of Homeland Security as the “Department of Friendly Borders,” where everyone is welcome and laws are more like guidelines. And why not? With enough verbal gymnastics, anything is possible in this brave new world.
Mayorkas’ oath of office is now up for a creative rewrite as well. Something along the lines of, “I solemnly swear to protect and serve... suggestions and recommendations, as long as they don't hurt anyone's feelings.” The Founding Fathers must be doing pirouettes in their graves at this avant-garde interpretation of governance.
So, dear readers, sit back and enjoy the show. As Mayorkas continues his quest to redefine reality one word at a time, we can only hope he doesn’t decide that national security is just a matter of perspective. After all, in the magical world of Mayorkas, who needs laws when you have language?
Stay tuned for the next thrilling installment where we might just find out that the secret to world peace is banning the term “war” altogether. Until then, remember: It’s not illegal immigration; it’s surprise citizenship. Bravo, Mayorkas, bravo!
Comments