"Breaking News: Kamala Becomes the First Person to Be Whatever the Media Wants Her to Be!
Forget Cirque du Soleil—when it comes to juggling acts, no one does it better than the mainstream media trying to define Kamala Harris. For nearly a decade, they’ve treated Harris’s identity like a political Build-A-Bear, stuffing her with whatever characteristics best fit the narrative du jour. Indian-American? Sure. Black woman? Absolutely. A middle class American from the deep south? Why not Y'all? But as the media performs this high-wire act, one question looms: who exactly is Kamala Harris, and does the media even know—or care?
A Tale of Two (or Three, or Four) Narratives
It all started back in 2016 when the Associated Press hailed Harris as the first Indian-American senator. A proud moment, certainly, but fast-forward to 2020, and the same outlets pivoted faster than Harris during a tough interview, declaring her the first Black woman on a major party ticket.
Then came the follow-up: a fact-check. Because, you see, some people were starting to notice the media’s identity whack-a-mole game. The AP swooped in to clarify: “Kamala Harris never portrayed herself as one thing or another.” (Except for those times when she totally did.)
Meanwhile, Politico wondered aloud whether Indian voters were ready to embrace her. Spoiler alert: this was also in 2019, when Harris briefly remembered she liked masala dosa long enough to cook it on camera with Mindy Kaling. The resulting clip became a viral sensation, proof that Kamala Harris could weaponize identity politics and a hot pan.
2024: The Great Narrative Meltdown
By 2024, the identity saga had reached critical mass. Wikipedia dutifully documented Harris as both the first African American and Asian American vice president. NPR, meanwhile, lamented the "sexist and racist attacks" against her, ensuring the media’s narrative safety net was firmly in place.
Somewhere in the noise, conservative pundit Candace Owens entered the ring, challenging viewers to consider the political motivations behind Harris’s identity. She peeled back the layers like an onion—or perhaps a dosa—exposing the media’s shameless opportunism.
But the question remains: is Kamala Harris simply a victim of the media’s chaotic identity roulette, or is she complicit in the circus?
A Modern-Day Sneetch Saga
Dr. Seuss fans may find this all eerily familiar. Like the Sneetches divided by stars on their bellies, Harris’s identity has become a marketable commodity. The media has taken on the role of Sylvester McMonkey McBean, the Fix-It-Up Chappie who sells whichever narrative fits the moment—for the low price of journalistic integrity.
Need Harris to connect with Black voters? She’s a proud African American! Need to appeal to Asian communities? Break out the masala dosa! Feeling extra progressive? Emphasize her female firsts.
The result is a public confused enough to throw up their hands and let the media do the thinking for them.
The Real Propaganda Machine
It’s no secret the media has become the Democratic Party’s most loyal campaign arm. Whether it's twisting Trump’s “fine people on both sides” comment into evidence of white supremacy or pretending Joe Biden’s verbal stumbles are endearing, the press has mastered the art of selective storytelling.
And let’s not forget what isn’t covered. The same media that spent years hyping Harris’s identity somehow missed her catastrophic failure to address the border crisis. Or perhaps it was just inconvenient to report that her strongest policy stance remains cackling while America is invaded.
A Sham Built on Gullibility
The saddest part? Millions of Americans buy into the media’s narrative-building circus. Maybe it’s because people crave confirmation bias. Maybe they’re too busy binge-watching Netflix to notice the strings being pulled. Either way, the media’s grip on public perception remains frighteningly effective.
So next time you see Kamala Harris cooking dosa or celebrating her “first” whatever, remember: the media isn’t just reporting the news—they’re manufacturing it. And we’re all paying the price.
As for Harris herself, one thing’s certain: she’s not just a politician. She’s a marketing tool, a blank canvas, and the media’s favorite project. The rest of us? Just spectators in a game where the rules change daily.
Conclusion: Turn Off the Circus
The media’s manipulation isn’t just laughable—it’s dangerous. It’s time we stop letting them decide what’s real, what’s important, and who Kamala Harris is today. Because if they keep this up, tomorrow she might be running as the first Martian-American president. And honestly? Would anyone be surprised?
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